The Problem With Dating

“You First… No YOU!”

Question: Why does it have to be the guy who shows his hand first?

Hola Friends!

Someone at Loveawake dating site recently asked me this question, speculating that girls want to hear it from the guy first; “it” being their emotions. This person, (we’ll call him John) is a single, successful, attractive male who argues about “true interest level” being the motivating factor. He states that, “If the girls interest level is way high, say 90% or above; then she will feel compelled to share her true feelings– as for the guy if his interest level is above 90%; he too will feel compelled to do the same. Now, in the case when neither parties’ interest level is above 90%; they both remain silent, waiting for the other to reveal their hand.” He feels that girls want the guys to go first though, so he contemplates then, that if noone steps up– this is a relationship out of convenience and that “this person will do for now, until the real deal comes along.”

Oh, you men! You are quite something, you know. 90% proof why girls commonly want to wring a guy’s neck. This isn’t a mime act. Staying silent in these particular times will solve nothing, only bringing looks of confusion. Another close friend of mine (we’ll call him “James”) said something almost exactly like that the other day! All innocent and sweet-like, he said “You know, championship games in the NBA wouldn’t be the same without the entire season. Why not practice and make good of each game before the BIG one?” Come again? This isn’t a test round for the person who is feeling 90% or above on the scoreboards. Grade? F! My question is: Why is it so much easier for the male to pass off a casual relationship as permissible, but digressing;I tread away from dangerous water.

Going back to the question from the first paragraph, women don’t want to show their ‘hand’ first, because they don’t want to become a wreck when they realize the guy has been bluffing the whole time! Why does it have to be a competition? Girls are often emotional and sensitive and even when guys can be, they tend to have a tougher shell.

“John” is right though in some ways; a relationship agreed on both ends as comfortable and had out of convenience is fine, so long as the two can be well and clear on it. I repeat: well and clear. Eventually, I believe someone will tire of the other person on a faux-romantic ‘practicing’ level, because something will always be a little “off”. Appeasing your loneliness is 90% selfish, but you may be closer to love than you predict… as we can’t forget that many successful deal-makers have failed not only in academics, but in ethics as well.

Final say? Whatever your analogy shall be regarding the “One”, showing your hand could just work in your favor. Or a lil’ peep at the cards, at least! The “show me yours and I’ll show you mine” rule really holds no ground. Listen to what you hear inside and go with that. Being fair and realistic can only bring fruitful results for the future or as John, who is a businessman puts it; “the real deal”. Going to a theme park that resembles the far corners of the earth might be comforting and entertaining, but one day it WILL hit you that it’s all fabricated and fake, leaving you feeling only emptiness and a tragic longing for authenticity. The way I see it? Life is but a stage. Make each one count with substance. Screening a dress rehearsal isn’t meaningless, since the premiere lies ahead. Don’t settle. Just don’t waste your time with a bunch of ‘undesirables’ as seat-fillers when you can proudly go solo awaiting the opening act.